How Not To Create Unhealthy Tension When Dating

Most humans will never experience true love because of their human nature.

Human nature is naturally selfish, self-serving, anxious, get-you-before-you-get-me, me first, what's in it for me natured. None of these characteristics builds a solid foundation for a love you want or your circle will envy.

I recently read another pick-up artist (PUA) advocating for men to play the "let her chase you" mind games so that he doesn't come off as "too easy." Because if a man risks coming off as "too easy" to a woman then she won't know how to value him.

Both men and women have subscribed to the "if it's not a challenge, it's not of great value" mentality to great detriment to what healthy relationships entail. You're told you can be easily taken advantaged of if you're "too easy" and you'll "lose your power" as the man. Plus, playing such destructive games is supposed to build "good tension," the kind that keeps her anxiously running when you call.

Let's put the nonsense to rest.

These short-term tactics are destructive to long-term, healthy relationship success.

You do not build healthy, loving, trusting connections by playing with someone's heart strings aka manipulation.

If they don't already possess the human decency to know how to act as an adult pursuing a romantic interest then why waste your time any further? Clearly, they are more work and more headache than they are worth. Do not allow desperation to guide your decisions because it will come back to haunt you when you find it hard to break bad habits with a woman who is mature and ready for true partnership.

There is good tension and bad tension.

The wrong kind of tension is manipulative. You are playing hot and cold, one day you're attentive the next ghosting her. This sets the stage for trauma bonding not genuine healthy connection. This all but guarantees you will both endure a cycle of misery and drama because that's what you're intentionally building the relationship upon when you play such games.

Let me be very clear.

You do not want a woman to chase you.

Nor do you chase after her.

Having her pass a series of tests is not going to train her to appreciate you and again, why would you want to have to teach another adult how to value you in a romantic partnership?

Logically, that person is not prepared to even be entertaining a partnership if they don't already come with certain skills in tact, one of them being knowing how to appreciate the other person and recognize value when they are shown it.

Do not use tests when it comes to vetting women.

Do not allow a woman "testing" you to go unchecked either.

Live will throw enough curve balls at you without either one of you putting stumbling blocks in each other's paths.

Do not expect using disingenuous or manipulative games in the early stages of a relationship to produce a trusting result that inspires loyalty. That's insanity.

Instead of using fake tests and creating false scenarios you simply need to live by the standard you're looking for in your partner. And observe. They will either match in synch with you or they will fall short.

Simply notice the way they handle situations. Maybe they handled it differently, but was the end result satisfactory? Or did it leave the situation lacking?

For example, let's say a last minute hiccup came up on their end and they are running late to your date. Have you heard from them or has it already been 20 minutes with no response? When they arrive is there an apology and an explanation or do they expect you to nurse their bad mood on top of arriving late with little to no warning?

It's really not that hard to observe and notice someone's true nature in time.

As a man, your issue may be a tendency to give in to your desperation where you feel that even poor treatment, borderline abuse is better than being single and lonely.

You have to uphold and enforce the same treatment you'd want from your partner for yourself. If you wouldn't arrive late without so much as a heads up, then you shouldn't tolerate such behavior from a potential date either. Otherwise, this is how resentment builds. Resentment is very opposite of the trust needed to build healthy relationships.

So what do you do?

You have a conversation and communicate your boundaries.

Then observe.

How she responds is information vital to telling you whether or not she is a good match, no disingenuous behavior creating a fake "test" on your part necessary.

At the end of the day, you have to live with your behavior, decisions, and choices.

You and your conscience will have a whole lot less regret when you choose to move honorably, when you're honest with yourself and your boundaries, cutting bad ties loose sooner vs. later, and enjoying the dating process more the way it should be.

For guidance on creating the right kind of sexual, genuinely loving tension get a copy of our magazine's first issue.

In the meantime, you can start learning how to attract and build genuine connection with women by enrolling in the Sovereign Man Course Bundle.