Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus

I was thoroughly disappointed with this read because I've always heard about how highly recommended it was. I got through a little over half of it before I had to stop.

This way of thinking just solidifies patriarchy’s design for men’s egos to be coddled by women.

Let me give a few specific examples.

First, the entire premise of men and women being from different planets with different values and rules. By his own words, men are described as egotistical, competitive problem solvers who are primarily operate in self-interest: status, money, performance/fame.

Everything on Mars revolves around how far a man can make it on his own without any help. While on Venus the women’s characteristics are what relationships are made of: caring, nurturing, supportive.

So right out the gate men are already painted as incompatible for relationships and love due to their conditioning from “Mars,” which is accurate for men who allow themselves to remain conditioned by the patriarchy society.

Second, this book argues that women must trust a man blindly because that is how a man receives love. Unfortunately for men . . . that is not how trust or even how love works. If a man’s actions do not warrant trust and in fact warrants trust being lost (i.e. he isn’t consistently showing up for the relationship like a good partner) then it is illogical for him to be granted continued trust.

This book makes the argument that men will ‘automatically’ reciprocate the love a woman desires if a woman simply continues to pour her love and trust into him no matter how many times, he continues to disappoint her.

This is not the basis for a loving relationship, and we need to stop normalizing a woman’s longevity in suffering as love or dedication.

In a loving relationship there should be clearly marked progress from both individuals involved . . . not a cycle of usually the woman having to deal with the same behavior that is hurting the relationship because according to this author “every cell in a man’s body fights against her” when she is offering constructive criticism in hopes of saving their love.

Most women attempt to find ways to gently communicate to a man what her needs are in the beginning. That often doesn’t work because “on Mars” men are taught to see most relationship issues as “no big deal” or something that will magically blow over on its own.

It doesn’t.

It builds resentment up until you are caught off guard as to why she is breaking up with you and seems to have grown cold with no feelings left.

You can’t continue to expect trust and her love while not taking her words and feelings seriously.

As I said in my last book review, it’s dangerous to adhere to any relationship advice or guru who ignores the reality of patriarchy or who feeds into it as healthy or natural like this book does.

He claims if women love a man he will automatically reciprocate.I believe most of us can all tell the difference between a fairytale and reality, especially given we live in a patriarchy society that conditions men to feel entitled not grateful for a woman’s love. This results in what we see more commonly today where relationships are more one-sided, not reciprocal.

He is advocating through the guise of “healthy relationship advice” that women cater to insecure men’s fragile egos and that is exactly the problem we’re dealing with today. Walking around on eggshells to avoid offending a partner who isn’t really prepared and showing up as partner material for a relationship they convinced us they were ready for.

Third, and final point I’ll harp on is he says on page 130 women who don’t know how to deal with negative emotions experience PMS . . . I had to re-read that line a few times to make sure I’d read that one right. Now I know this is coming from a ‘quack doctor’ and a man who doesn’t truly understand women.

PMS is a very natural part of existing as a woman and to experience a flux of emotions is also natural during this time because that’s simply how our bodies work: the hormones that regulate emotions are in flux. It is not a woman’s fault for experiencing negative emotions, nor is experiencing negative emotions what leads to PMS.

Quite the opposite.

This is another one of the relationship advice books that sounds good but finding legit, solid advice is like searching for a needle in a haystack. It was also very redundant with points already made, too much fluff.

Not worth the read and I’d even go so far as to say it is detrimental to those who follow this advice as a long-term solution for their relationships because it promotes the status quo that patriarchy founded.

Men and women are different yes, aside from biology, it’s mostly due to social conditioning by our social environments . . . not because we were “born this way” or come from different planets.

By his own admission everything about men being from Mars just proves how incapable of partnering to create happy, healthy relationships men “naturally” are. Instead, we need to replace this outdated, sexist philosophy and accept the fact that both women and men are human beings shaped by our social conditioning.

Meaning we can be raised to be better and more of what healthy relationships need when surrounded by the right environments.

Hint: Patriarchy is not the right environment for men to grow and learn how to exist in healthy, loving partnerships with women.