The Dating Playbook For Men
Alright, here are my notes after having read The Dating Playbook for Men: A Proven 7 Step System To Go From Single To The Woman Of Your Dreams by Andrew Ferebee.
First, I believe this author means well but that doesn't mean his advice is not misguided, as I'll break down here.
To sum up this book takes pick up artist manipulative tactics and primarily goals of "getting laid" and tries to spin it as solid advice for genuinely connecting with women to build foundations of genuine connections that last.
This became evident as he shared more catch phrases used in the pick up artist community and as he shared his frustrations with women who didn't quickly give in to his scripts and tactics, so all that "genuine connection" building would now be considered a "waste of time" if he didn't get her to sleep with him, usually by the end of the same night.
I found his advice to be misleading and only for casual short term connections. His advice confirms what women have already learned . . . most men only want sex and are willing to get crafty, even feign false connection and closeness to get it.
This is not how men who seek long term, healthy relationships with women want to start a potential relationship.
Throughout the book, men are encouraged to "go to women and speak your truth" like you need to prove something or like women owe men the time of day.
This author has experienced first hand the frustrations of rejection, as he shares in his own words, but this sort of language he uses tells me he still carries a chip on his shoulder.
Human connection, the healthy ones between men and women do not involve playing games or creating manipulative environments where you must "get her to chase you" or "get her to prove her worth/value".
Nor do you need to concern yourself with "proving your worth" to a woman.
Relationships are about adding value to one another, not proving anything.
By focusing on adding value you will naturally prove yourself. You must be careful not to put the cart before the horse so to speak. If you can't simply exist as who you are and add value to each other, then you're likely not compatible. Save yourself the pain and heartache of jumping through hoops to prove you're someone you are not.
Now there is the fact that a lot of people who want to be in relationships never put much thought into what it means to be a good partner who adds value to someone else outside themselves, so naturally there will be a learning curve for most people who are serious about having a healthy relationship that's worth fighting for.
But the universal truth remains the same: if you are not willing to learn how to add value to each other, naturally, because that's who you are as a person then you're not compatible. Don't waste each other's time trying to temporarily prove yourself because you'll eventually resent the fact you have to keep proving yourself over and over again if that's just not who you already naturally are as a person/partner.
We need to stop complicating relationships and that's a big reason why I didn't support the advice in this book. Patriarchy has already damaged the connection between men and women and complicating it with silly games will only confuse and frustrate you more than help.
If your goal is to get laid and/or experience serial dating for the rest of your life, then this advice will help you succeed at that.
Any dating guru who claims to be helping men or women without having a serious, real talk about the history we already have between us (patriarchy) I've stopped taking seriously. You can not ignore the elephant in the room, to have not learned from the past from women's perspectives and claim to understand women in a way that will make men happy and successful with women.
This was only my second pick up artist book and its clear that ultimately it creates a lose-lose setup. Usually the men involved want a long-term, serious healthy relationship with a woman they love, but the short term manipulative tactics men learn will not help you sustain such a connection . . . often times you feel like frauds performing an act and you fear the woman will leave you once she sees your true colors because she won't like you for who you really are.
Stop using pick up artist methods.
It takes the same amount of time and energy to learn genuine connection that actually helps you achieve your long-term goals as it would to waste years studying pick up artist games that ultimately just waste your time with a bunch of random women who will rarely pan out into anything serious or lasting.
You can increase your odds of finding a serious, meaningful relationship without lying to yourself about what women want in a man or becoming someone you are not.
Another telltale sign is that none of this author's qualifying tests really focus on things that actually matter. It's just witty, playful banter that "tests" to see if she will chase you vs. actually genuinely connecting.
A woman who values herself, thus is more capable of adding the right sort of value to your life is not going to behave like a door mat. Nor would she be attracted to you behaving like a door mat.
PUAs like to convince you that they are teaching you how to create a win-win where both you and the woman you approach get what you want . . . but if either one of you is "chasing" then clearly one of you is in the losing position and both of you can't be winning.
This book, like so many PUA games makes everything about who has the power.
Healthy relationships you enjoy being in are not about who has the power or power dynamics. When you lose yourself to focusing on who has more power over the other, who can make the other "chase" you start to lose using common sense and common human empathy.
PUA teaches you how to extract information so you can ultimately get laid. You must not confuse that with genuinely getting to understand and connect with women so that you stand a chance of building a meaningful relationship.
The one thing I did like about this book is this author's advice for men's personal development. But most of the relationship advice and his views on masculinity I do not support and I feel lacks a more informed understanding.
If you are a man or know a man who is serious about understanding women and how he as a man can exist happily with women in the current environment I highly suggest you grab your free copy of my latest book to unlearn a lot of the empty BS that keeps being regurgitated out there and finally understand what most men have never understood in their entire lifetime.
Here's the link:
